Courage

"Courage doesn't always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,

I will try again tomorrow."

Mary Anne Radmacher

What if?

What if it's Him??

The signs...

Sounds like this weekend will be warmish and springlike. Can't wait. The signs of spring are everywhere.....the Toronto Maple Leafs are out of the playoffs...the Blue Jays are warmin' up.... And here's what I've been observing around the neighbourhood over the last couple of weeks....




Shoots are poking through the snow.



Dozens of robins have been surveying for patches of lawn appearing............


and then snatching up worms. (Who knew worms could be found when the ground's still cold?)




This mourning dove has diligently been gathering nesting materials from my garden and bringing them to this tree. Lord knows we need more doves in the neighbourhood (the hawk agrees).

Chip just woke up from a very long nap beneath all that snow in the front garden. Hope he's grateful for the winter stash I provided.




Olive coloured goldfinches are slowly changing their wardrobes and donning their bright summer yellow jackets.










Cedar waxwings gobble up crab apples but anticipate tasty spring blossoms.



And most notably, RRROLL UP THE RIM TO WIN is winding down with more losses than wins.



Would anyone like my free donut tabs?

There is no Jesus

Well didn't I come up with a classic line on Easter morning in church today that I will forever be reminded of!

Most years on Easter, our church will do a dramatic presentation related to Jesus' death and resurrection. This morning we were watching a drama in church that featured a few disciples and Mary Magdalene. As the drama team came down the aisles to begin, my daughter leaned over to me and asked, "Is Gord [playing] Jesus?" (Gord most often plays Jesus in these dramas). I responded, "No. There IS NO Jesus." My daughter looked at me in feigned shock that I would say such a thing, and now she feels like quitting life and all she's involved in because 'There is no Jesus'. LOL. And she will forever remind me I said that.

We chuckle at that statement because we so strongly believe and trust in Jesus that it's absurd to ever allude to him not existing. And yet at this time of year particularly, there are promotions of books and movies that remind us that there are many who believe there is no Jesus and in spite of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, some also believe he never even existed.

I've enjoyed perusing material by Josh McDowell, Lee Strobel, and Walid Shoebat because they were atheists who emphatically decided to debunk Jesus, the Bible and the resurrection, and ended up stating they are unable to refute the evidence and are now believers in Jesus and all He claimed to be. They've done a lot of the legwork in compiling interesting stuff in their books. Kinda reminds me of the apostle Paul when he says that he was trying to stamp God's church right out of existence....but things changed after his encounter with Jesus....and particularly the resurrection of Jesus.

There will always be those who truly believe "there is no Jesus", or at very least, he was a good man, maybe even a prophet who lived but it has no relevance to them right now. But I suggest that when one really cares to check him out and embraces the resurrection as a very real event, it changes one's perspective on everything!

"The first thing I did was place before you what was placed so emphatically
before me: that the Messiah died for our sins, exactly as Scripture tells it;
that he was buried; that he was raised from death on the third day, again
exactly as Scripture says; that he presented himself alive to Peter, then to his
closest followers, and later to more than five hundred of his followers all at
the same time, most of them still around (although a few have since died); that
he then spent time with James and the rest of those he commissioned to represent
him; and that he finally presented himself alive to me. It was fitting that I
bring up the rear. I don't deserve to be included in that inner circle, as you
well know, having spent all those early years trying my best to stamp God's
church right out of existence.

"If there's no resurrection, there's no living Christ. And face it—if
there's no resurrection for Christ, everything we've told you is smoke and
mirrors, and everything you've staked your life on is smoke and mirrors. Not
only that, but we would be guilty of telling a string of barefaced lies about
God, all these affidavits we passed on to you verifying that God raised up
Christ—sheer fabrications, if there's no resurrection.

If corpses can't be raised, then Christ wasn't, because he was indeed dead.
And if Christ weren't raised, then all you're doing is wandering about in the
dark, as lost as ever. It's even worse for those who died hoping in Christ and
resurrection, because they're already in their graves. If all we get out of
Christ is a little inspiration for a few short years, we're a pretty sorry lot.
But the truth is that Christ has been raised up, the first in a long legacy of
those who are going to leave the cemeteries."

The Message Bible, I Corinthians 15: 3-9, 16-20

Good Friday

Thorns piercing scalp

Spikes ripping flesh

Pain searing body

Temptation torturing mind

Grief crushing heart

Life abandoning spirit

Death stealing soul

It is finished.

--------

Word opening eyes

Wonder astounding mind

Grief humbling self

Repentence gripping spirit

Forgiveness entering heart

Peace flooding soul

Healing touching body

Life bringing freedom

Worship spawning joy

It is just begun

Ah Ha!!

I told you spring was coming!!

I spotted this guy (girl?) in our tree this afternoon, singing his little heart out. The robins know and are anticipating the first juicy worm of the season once some snow has cleared. In the meantime, they enjoy our leftover crab apples.

I love having a crab apple tree in our front yard - the street is lined with these trees and they provide crab apples through the winter for many birds until bugs are available.

Another sure sign of spring is that the birds are singing much more heartily these days. Mixed with sunshine it is heaven to my senses!
The robin was not my only birdwatching thrill today. The cedar waxwings are back. Up until a few years ago, I had never really seen this kind of bird other than pictures. One year our yard was suddenly flooded with over 50 of them so I got a close up view and learned about them. Here's a few shots of ones I saw today.... Cedar waxwings can be very comical if you watch them with binoculars. If their throats get completely full of crab apples, they will pass the next one on down the line to the next bird. They will often toss one back and forth to each other. Apparently, if the crab apples are fermented, the birds will get rather tipsy. These sleek birds have cockatiel-like crests, yellow bellies, and the mature ones have red bars on the back of their wings and a yellow tip on the end of their black tails. And they all wear masks.




Once they have pretty well depleted all the trees in the neighbourhood, they fly off together in flocks to find other food sources, and you might not see them again for another year.
Last year we never saw them at all, so I feel lucky that they are back for a visit. Tomorrow I will try putting out apple pieces to see if they go for them...and maybe I'll get better shots of them. And maybe next year they'll remember that bird-lady who puts out food for them and they'll come back for sure.



There may be more snow around the corner, but listen to the birds.

They know warm weather's not too far off!!

What's the problem?

What's the matter?

You don't like snow?


But it's beautiful!

When life hands you snow...make snow angels.

Be a kid again. Revel in it. Eat it. Rub your face in it. Roll in it.

Take a lesson..........

Hope springs

As I write this, there is yet another winter storm warning...the snow and ice is soon to start pelting the windows and ground around us. Seems that we've had one of these storms every week or at least every other! Strangely (VERY strangely!) I am not sick of winter yet. I have loved the changing landscape of new fallen snow, instead of the usual mud and puddles that our winters have seemed to become. It's just been visually more beautiful and I really don't mind more snow....until April. Once that third week of April hits I will have a yearning to drink in the aroma of hyacinths, lily of the valley, and lilacs...and every snowfall after that will be an irritation.

Hard to believe, just yesterday on my day off, I sat outside on the deck for 30 glorious minutes, face tilted toward the sunshine, soaking in the rays. The breeze was actually warm on my face, and smelled of spring. I listened to the rush of melting snow flushing through the eavestroughs as I basked in the sun. As my dog rubbed her face in the snow and rolled over onto her back to wriggle in the cold stuff she so loves, I pictured the seeds, once dead, now sprouting green shoots, yet still unseen beneath the blanketed earth. Bulbs anxiously await below the surface to push their leaves, now forming, toward the sun. Birds are beginning to sing with more vigour. Yes, the earth is waiting...hoping...for the lengthening of days, the turning of the season, and the warmth of the sun.

Are you feeling cold... gloomy....dead? No hope right now that you can see? Take heart. There is an answer....life burgeoning below the surface...you can't see it....but it's ready to burst forth in its own time. Keep your face turned toward the Son. In due time, hope will become sight, the hard ground will soften, and your senses will come alive in the warmth of His presence.

Danny Brooks 'Ain't That The Truth'

Got the blues

There are 3 types of music I have particularly never liked. One is country music (shudder) with all the cheatin' and cryin' and moanin'...give me a break...forgive me if you like it, but I could never understand why I'd want to wallow in sorrow. A close second to that was blues music which I figured was all depressing too. And then jazz....I could never hum along to the melody because I couldn't find it. Well, maybe there's a fourth. I can handle most of my son's punk music until the screaming starts...it's just not soothing, 'by the pond' kinda stuff. So when I heard there was going to be an 'awesome' blues band at our church, I didn't consider going. But I changed my mind and couldn't quite believe my reaction to the concert. I could have stayed for several more hours! These were old guys....I mean, even older than me(!) with the name....Danny Brooks and the Rockin' Revelators! (oh dear). But what incredible talent! And they just jammed like teenagers, strutting the stage and switching up guitars. I bought a CD and took a very long ride home listening to it...one foot on the gas and the other thumping to the music. Me and blues music. Who would have thought it?

To be honest, I still don't think I like any other blues music....just Danny Brooks' music. It was the intense heart and soul of the man that drew me to his music. From the age of fifteen he lived and breathed blues music, so it's in his blood. But he should be dead. His liver was shot from overuse of heroin and booze. Now he is a living miracle with an amazing story. He doesn't preach. He belts out from his soul the pain he has felt, and the hope he now lives in. He's just himself and he's real. As I watched in rapt attention, the words of Donald Miller came to my mind that I had read in his book, Blue Like Jazz, and I understood just what he meant.

"I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Baghdad Theatre one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes and he never opened his eyes. After that I liked jazz music. Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way."

Risky business

Every year my daughter receives a beautiful single red rose from her father for Valentine's Day. It's his way of reminding her that she is profoundly loved, cherished, and of irreplaceable worth to him. What a wonderful thing to know in your heart - you are deeply loved - not just with words but with promise - the one who loves you will never abandon you.

I have been reading a book by Rob Bell called Sex God, Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality. I snuck the book out of my daughter's apartment because she sneaks my clothes into her suitcase....and also because she stated that every guy needs to read this book. That intrigued me to read it. Rob states,

"Love is handing your heart to someone and taking the risk that
they will hand it back because they don't want it. That's why it's such a
crushing ache on the inside. We gave away a part of ourselves and it wasn't
wanted."

Where Rob went with that thought stopped me in my tracks. He began to paint a picture of how that 'ache' is universal, but it originated with God...God has a broken heart!

"God takes this giant risk in creating and loving people, and in the process God's heart is broken. Again and again and again. Divine heartbreak....The story the Bible tells is of a living being who loves and who continues to love even when that love is not returned. A God who refuses to override our freedom, who respects our power to decide whether to reciprocate, a God who lets us make the next move."

Rob goes on to show how God, whose physical presence we wouldn't be able to handle, desired us to see His deep love. But how could He show us when He couldn't get near us?

"Jesus is God coming to us in love. Sheer unadulterated,unfiltered love.Stripped
of everything that could get in the way. Naked and vulnerable, hanging on a
cross, asking the question, 'What will you do with me?' "

It was risky for Him to go all the way to the cross with such a deep love inside. He was giving away his heart and himself, but some would just hand it back and not want Him. He could have just called the whole thing off. But God is love. He identifies with the crushing ache of abandonment and rejection.

And He knows how it feels to be cheated on.

Some who pledge their love and devotion to Him above anything or anyone, spend all their time with someone else....another love....a more appealing distraction...coveting... cheating....unfaithful.

And I wonder at times if that's me.

Imagine if my daughter received her Valentine rose from her Dad, told him with a hug that she loved him, and then threw the rose to the ground, crushing it below her foot. How would her father feel? Such a depth of love trampled... with words of affection, but no true devotion in return.

I'm thinking that's just a little taste of how God grieves.

I want His risky sacrifice to be worth it.

I don't want to cause more grief and ache for my Father.

I'd like to return the love in more than just words and pretense... and be forever faithful and devoted to the One who would give His very life for me.

It's truly the ultimate love story!

"You lived to die rejected and alone

Like a rose trampled on the ground

You took the fall and thought of me

Above all"

February 15 - An ordinary day

Each day is an ordinary day to most.

But every day has a meaning to someone...a date on the calendar that can trigger a remembrance of happiness...regret.... or perhaps heartache.

While others are immersed in their day, someone quietly may have flashbacks connected with that date.

February 15 is one of those warm fuzzy 'trigger' days for me as I recall years of birthday celebrations for my Dad. If he were still with us he'd be 92 today! Though it's been 14 years since he left us, his positive influence is an integral part of me. He engrained his mark indelibly within me and so in many ways he has never left.

It's amazing to me how deeply those closest to us affect us, positively or negatively. We often don't see in ourselves the reflection of those who have influenced us until we find ourselves acting out what we have absorbed like a sponge over the years.

After all these years I've lived, I still battle a lot of negative stuff that was sponged in as a child and I find it oozing out when I least expect it. The cool thing, much to my relief, is that my abandonment to Christ allows Him to be everything in me that I am not. The key is....abandonment. And it's difficult in those moments that I just don't want to fight the crappy stuff that seems to rise up naturally within me. It's easier to just 'be me'. It's at those times I have to decide what matters most to me - whether to 'abandon' and let Christ's character be everything in that moment, or just go with the flow and perhaps drag someone down with me. "The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being." (The Bible, Matthew 6:21)

I love that we are not doomed to be failures from the negative stuff we've sponged in over the years, no matter how bad. No one is excluded from the freedom Christ will provide moment by moment as we abandon each struggle to Him.

I am so grateful to my Dad that in the midst of negativity, he planted positive in me. He was deeply committed to prayer and simply lived like Christ day in and day out, genuine - not perfect - but abandoned. He is now in a place where calendars and time have no meaning. But because I must live by a calendar I will continue on February 15th to say with fond memories, 'Happy Birthday Dad. Thank you!! I love you!'

"What actually took place is this: I tried
keeping rules and working my head off to please God, and it didn't work. So I
quit being a "law man" so that I could be God's man. Christ's life showed me
how, and enabled me to do it. I identified myself completely with him. Indeed, I
have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer
important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am
no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living
is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave
himself for me. I am not going to go back on that."

The Bible, Message Version - Galatians 2:19-21

Winter snowscapes

If I can't be outdoors among flowers with my hands in warm soil...then bring on the snow!

Big fish, little fish

Do you have someone in your life who drives you crazy?

Do you feel like you're going in circles?

Take heart. Others have it worse than you.........

End of a relationship

I ended a relationship today. We knew it had to end. The cost was too great. Although it ended with a hug, things had gotten strained.....especially my tendons.

Yes, today was the end of bootcamp with my personal trainer (Woot!!!!!). She was great and I love her, but there were moments I thought I was going to die!

I signed up for all of this... not out of vanity, but necessity. I was truly afraid one day I would no longer be able to move to get out of bed. Pretty well all the women I work with are menopausal (pity the one man among us!). We all ache and groan and compare notes as to how much sleep we got the night before. Our jobs are stationary at a computer all day.

In November I could stand it no longer. I determined that I was going to get my body moving and stop feeling like I'm 80 long before my time. Without any more thought, I joined the gym and agreed at the interview that I would need a trainer to help me. I particularly wanted to build bone and was afraid of hurting myself by just launching out without help. We settled on 13 lessons for the price of 12...no problem. I nearly fell off my chair of a heart attack when I heard the price. (What have I done!) At that point, I couldn't back out, so this would just have to be my Christmas present to myself....and birthday present, and next year's Christmas present...and so on.

I remember the feeling after my first session. I went to my car and sat. I wasn't sure I could raise my arms to the steering wheel. Every ounce of energy was drained from me. I was a zombie in an empty shell. But I knew I was doing the right thing. Each session was that much harder. The trainer worked each muscle until fatigued - completely fatigued. And then there was the mini-marathon in the training room which was gruelling to say the least. Running, jumping, skipping, push ups, crunches = agony. I longed for the end...put me out of my misery!

After today, I am on my own. I have done stuff I would never have tackled by myself and have surprised myself at what I am capable of doing if I push myself. The trainer has taught me how to keep going when I want to give up...to always drive for just a little more...a little harder...a little better. It will not always be easy to stay motivated, and there are things I'd much rather be doing, but it feels so good afterwards to have disciplined myself and kept my eye on the goal.

[Of course, you know I can 'spiritualize' all this (don't I always?). Are we so motivated to serve Christ, that we give it all of our effort ....drive a little harder....eyes on the goal? Do we have a mentor....a 'personal trainer' from whom we willingly accept words of correction when they see us falter, and words of encouragement that prod us to do better?]

I have a VERY long way to go. But it has amazed me just how much you can do that you never believed you could, when it becomes important to you. Perhaps desperation is the key. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have a large piece of cheesecake (kidding!!!)

"Exercise daily in God—no spiritual flabbiness, please! Workouts in the gymnasium are useful, but a disciplined life in God is far more so, making you fit both today and forever. You can count on this. Take it to heart. This is why we've thrown ourselves into this venture so totally. We're banking on the living God, Savior of all men and women, especially believers."

From The Message Bible, I Timothy 4:8-10

Not My Job

By now I'm sure most frequent users of the internet have seen this popular 'Not My Job' picture. Gross....but makes the point. (Can't you just smell the fumes?!)

This picture came to my mind as I was pondering a few things....and not because we now have a possum lurking around our house (shudder!!!).

It's just that we are all travelling a 'road' and we all have those who follow us.

Too many of us (myself included) really don't care at times about the sloppy job we do by example and what we're leaving on the road for those coming up behind. And it stinks.

We're selfish by nature. So at times we do what we please or what feels good without regard for the consequences. We leave a mess...for someone else to step over or clean up and we just don't care. We leave a sloppy example of how not to do it and too often we feel no remorse or need to turn back, make restoration, and continue down the road without making the same mess again.

In case you hadn't noticed, this attitude seems more prevalent these days. NOT MY JOB to be loyal to my wife or husband, family, girlfriend or boyfriend. NOT MY JOB to protect and regard them with dignity, building them up and thinking of them more highly than myself. NOT MY JOB to care about my neighbour and encourage others. NOT MY JOB to look after the poor. I just want to live in MY world, with MY friends, and MY interests. It's all about ME and I don't think I'm really hurting anyone. Funny thing is, this ME stuff actually makes us miserable because we're never satisfied! One day it just might be ME that has to go all the way back to where I messed up, get down on my knees and scrape up the dead stinking possom (gag!), straighten the lines in the road, and begin the journey again.

Oh, we all mess up (especially ME!). And we all need mercy and grace for our screwups (especially ME!). Jesus always took notice of the heart of the humble one - the one who acknowledged he screwed up and needed His forgiveness, and truly wanted to be changed. I guess He knew that down the road, it was the one with the remorseful, willing, servant heart who'd really be getting somewhere....devoted....and joyful in the journey.

"...Look what I've done I've ruined it for everyone

I should've held on harder to my innocence...
I...I'm starting over I...I'm starting over
It's never too late.. It's never too late.. For starting over ..."

Starting Over, By Audio Adrenaline

Blessings in the bathtub

Rearranged some pictures in my bathroom today. Moved my favorite plaque to a spot above the bathtub.

Now,

every day I shower

and

every day I'm reminded

that....

...to unwrap

...to be grateful

...to be faithful

"...I want to sign Your name to the end of this day Knowing that my heart was true..."

Lifesong, by Casting Crowns

A profitable addiction! (and cure for boredom)

This evening I stumbled upon a website that I'm sure will become an addiction for me....no it's not Facebook! Far better.... because the more you become addicted, the more you provide rice for hungry people.

FreeRice was established on October 7, 2007 and has two goals as stated on their website: To provide English vocabulary to everyone for free; and to help end world hunger by providing rice to hungry people for free through the United Nations' World Food Programme.

Not convinced? I always check urban legend type stuff out at http://www.snopes.com/ to determine their validity....and this one is true.

Intrigued? Check it out. Even if you never liked English in school, you'll be hooked. It's free. It's simple. Wrong answers don't matter. You learn as you go, and each of your correct answers add up to another 20 grains of donated rice. Win/win. People helped. Boredom cured.

Disclaimer: May cause addiction.

Click here:

Christmas visitor

I love all God's creatures....sort of....but this visitor to our front porch on Christmas night is a stretch for me to....admire.

I thought I'd met all the city-dwelling critters around our place, so this possum was unexpected. He is much larger and fatter than a cat, more like a small raccoon...but ratlike. MUCH too ratlike. SHUDDER!

To make it worse, he not only ignored the bright porch lights, the frantic dog, and the camera flash on the other side of the window, he actually came up to the window ledge, stood on his hind legs and peered in the window at us! That was downright freaky. Wonder if he unlocks doors?! He really just wanted us to replace the garbage bag full of delectible Christmas leftovers that he had ripped open in that spot just before my husband discovered the mess. So much for the raccoon theory.

I have only ever seen dead possums on the road (or at least they're pretending to be dead...you know they get up later and walk away), and the REALLY dead ones are very dastardly looking. According to my internet research, they hang in trees by their tails and can have a gazillion babies. I admit I was drawn to watching this guy as he lumbered around, not the least bit bothered by us. I suppose I could have stepped out for a really good closeup instead of these poor shots...but, nah.

You know if I'd ditch the birdseed I'd quit getting these visitors I'm sure, but that won't be happening. So after dark now I will be stepping gingerly, with eyes surveying carefully ....and with camera at hand.