I cried today

I enjoy my job because it involves solving problems and helping people. While I was on the phone today, the person who was giving me the next batch of problems to solve, referred to me as the 'Problem Resolution Officer'. I laughed and said I hadn't known that was my official title and queried whether a raise was in order.

I delved into the next problem and called a client to provide a resolution. Now I have been trained to be professional and dignified on the job, with a balance of compassion and empathy for clients in an arms-length kind of way because we have to. But for the first time in 35 years on the job, I cried on the phone with a client today.

I had reviewed her situation before calling her and knew she had while on her job, observed a murder of someone she knew. She was still struggling with that for a very long time after, and has just never had the ability to heal from it. Through a series of events, her world had caved in and she now found herself without any hope of a job, when she had gone through school and thought her career was all set. When I spoke with her, I mentioned something about trying to call her yesterday.

Without any emotion, she quietly made the statement, "I tried to kill myself yesterday."

Her tone of voice told me that there was no pretense of a lie or an attempt to influence or evoke anything from me. It was just a true statement.

In that moment, my chest became heavy, I could scarcely breathe and all I could manage to say was, "Oh Lisa! You're serious aren't you?" And I felt the tears involuntarily starting to spill. I was struck with the fragility of life. How different this call could have been yesterday....a telephone ringing on unanswered....and me starkly unaware of someone in desperation.

We both managed a laugh as I said, "you've got me crying now..." I managed to choke out some encouraging words of hope, and she assured me that she was okay for now. We talked about hope and where to go from here. I took a deep breath and tried to go on with the 'professional' business of our conversation, but it took a little time to suck it up and regain my composure. (I will still probably cry it all out tonight in bed!)

Lisa represents only one of so many. Despondent people. Feeling hopeless. Can't see any bigger picture than beyond their world that has caved in around them. Hanging on by a thread and fragile. I am NOT the Problem Resolution Officer. I can't solve these kinds of problems. People can counsel and advise and encourage, but they can't bring peace to a despondent heart through these things alone. We can only trust in One who can.

Know why I love Christmas so much? It's the hope. It's the remedy. It's the mystery that God cared. He planned. And he sent......hope. And He'll never let go - even if we do.

The people who walk in darkness will see a great light.

For those who live in a land of deep darkness, a light will shine....

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us.

The government will rest on his shoulders.

And he will be called:

Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

His government and its peace will never end.

He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity.

The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies will make this happen!

The Bible, Isaiah 9:2, 6,7  (planned....and written long before the son was given)