Eyes of Respect (or what I learned at a Catholic church)

It's been another one of those months....too many visits to funeral homes. Today was like deja vu as many of my work friends gathered at the same Catholic church for funeral mass that we did over a year ago for another co-worker. Today we honoured the memory of a woman who left work four years ago with breast cancer and over the last few weeks she had enough of the fight and passed away. She was seven years older than me.

I find it interesting to visit churches of other faiths and observe. The Catholic church is, of course, steeped in traditions and rituals that are very old. I sat beside a co-worker who is Catholic and I asked her to nudge me if there was something I should be doing. I stood when everyone stood. I couldn't respond with the appropriate phrases because I didn't know when. I didn't kneel at the bench or take communion as I was not allowed to. And I really didn't know what to voice to God when the priest asked us to bow our heads to pray for the deceased. I recognized the Scriptures and the gospel and the reflections on the place Christ was preparing and that He was coming back for us. And I wondered if God was comfortable here.

As I walked back to work with my co-worker I asked her if she could clarify something I've always been curious about. I asked her if it was okay for Catholics to pray directly to God, because in a moment of crisis, doesn't everyone (including atheists!) cry out to God for help? If so, what was the purpose of the priest and confession, particularly since they also believe that Christ is the Saviour and therefore, is He not the one who forgives us and is the mediator between us and God? She stated emphatically that they can pray to God themselves, but that they go to the priest for the stuff you need forgiveness for. Then she said that actually things have changed a lot over the years and now you really only have to confess the big stuff to the priest. I asked how you draw the line at 'big stuff' and she clarified that it would be mortal sins, like killing someone, and things like that...I think her voice trailed off. Then she said, 'But I really think it's just because the priest wants to know what you've been up to!' to which she broke off in peals of laughter. She did go on to tell me of a monk she enjoyed who told everyone they need to 'lighten up', have fun, and enjoy their Christianity, and that the church must be relevant to the current generation. On that point we totally agreed.

I'm still contemplating one thing the priest said when talking of the care the family gave during this woman's illness. He stated that compassion is not something that can be done from a distance. It takes your involvement in time and effort, your continual care and love, setting aside your own agenda for the need of another. And it means giving respect to that person. Respect comes from the same word as spectacles (glasses) - think of it as a pair of glasses you put on - you look out through the eyes of respect at the person, not back at yourself and your needs. (It's not all about me).

With the needs of people all around us, the gift of compassion and respect to others can fill up an entire lifetime. I was reminded again today that life itself can be far too short. Let's leave gifts wherever we go!

All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us.

The Message Bible, II Corinthians 1:3,4